Anxiety & My Experience

      I would like to talk to you about something I feel passionate about and think needs to be addressed. This topic I have experienced myself and know a lot of you may have too. I also know that this issue is thrown around very loosely and not actually recognised for how important this mental illness really is. The topic I will be talking to you about today is Anxiety. 
      This is quite a personal topic for me to write about, but I wanted to share it with you as this week (16th-23rd May) is Mental Health Awareness week. By posting this I hope to help anyone suffering with Anxiety or to help anyone who knows someone suffering with this mental illness understand what they may be going through and how to help. 

What Is Anxiety?
      Most people think anxiety is a feeling of worry and unease mostly about a upcomign even with an uncertain outcome for example an exam coming up, an interview etc. 
      Anxiety to me is sweating, chest pain or discomfort, rapid heart beat, overthinking every single little thing, shaking ect. There are many different ways people experience Anxiety but I think these are the main ones. 

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?
      While having anxiety I felt a lot of things at once. I felt things from a racing heart to butterflies in my stomach. From chest discomfort to shaking hands. From shortness of breath to feeling very hot and sweating. From pains in my throat to feeling alone. Having an anxiety attack can be very scary, You can feel powerless and not in control of yourself. I often felt as if I was outside of my body watching myself from someone else's perspective. 
      If I was to imagine what anxiety looks like, I would imagine as if someone is standing on your chest and will not get off. 

Found on Buzzfeed.com

My Experience
      I myself had experienced Anxiety for 4 months and it was not pleasant. I think my anxiety began back around November. I can remember feeling very stressed about lots of things such as my Christmas exams that were coming up, problems with my friends, some unexpected news from the doctor about an immediate family member.. I can't remember everything that was going on at that time but I can remember it all becoming very overwhelming and stressful. When I first started to realise there was something going on, I think it was (as far as I can remember) when I was sitting in maths class (already feeling slightly self conscious) and the two girls behind me started talking about one of my cousins and talking about how 'weird' she is and how much of an outcast she is. Now let me just say that normally I am a outgoing person and wouldn't be afraid to confront someone especially when it comes to someone judging and talking about my family. But when I heard them say this I froze. I couldn't move. My eyes started to burn and I became very hot. I just sat there and let these two girls say this about my cousin. When I got home I could not understand how I just let those two girls say that about her and why I felt the way I did. It took me hours to fall asleep that night because all I could think about is "What kind of a cousin am I?" "Why did I freeze?" "Did those two girls know I am related to her?" "Is that why they said it?" It was that day I realised there had to have been something not right. The anxiety started to get worse and worse, so bad some days I had to take the day off school. I stopped doing lots of things that would gave been a norm in my everyday life, for example I stopped wearing makeup, only wore tracksuits or pyjamas and stopped taking photos of myself or letting anyone else to. 
      The worst thing was that in between those 4 months was Christmas. I tried really hard to not let the anxiety affect me but because Christmas is a time when people are visiting you and you are constantly in the presence of family, friends and strangers, the anxiety attacks felt like they were lasting for days. It was during Christmas break that my anxiety started to turn me against my friends, It was making me think that my friends didn't actually like me and that they were lying when they would compliment me or anything like that. I didn't want to talk to them when I went back to school. I would say I cried everyday during the Christmas break and everyday found something new to feel anxious about. Sometimes it would be simply to go downstairs and go into the living room or to say goodnight to my family. I stayed in my room everyday for as long as I could before I had to go somewhere. I can remember being tired all the time and feeling constantly drained and weak. 
      When I went back to school I would be so quiet, I don't think anyone noticed I was there. If the teacher asked me a question I would feel a huge weight on my chest, my eyes would start to tear up and I would speak so quietly the teacher could barely hear me. I felt anxiety to think about school and to think about talking to them or being stuck with them at lunch. And so I asked my Mum to start bringing me home at lunch, which she did and on days when she couldn't bring me home I brought a book with me to read. I would take out the book and read it, I done this to purposely isolate myself and to give them a reason to not talk to me. I can remember crying in the bathroom because I was so scared of my home economics teacher. The anxiety made me believe that she was going to give out and shout at me even though I had done nothing wrong. I was even shaking at the thoughts of her to look at me and constantly begging my mum to not send me to school. 
      In February I talked to my Mum and told them that the anxiety was still on going, My Mum and Dad talked to me and asked me if I was getting bullied and if I wanted to move schools. I explained that the anxiety wasn't going to get any better especially if I moved into a school full of strangers. I also talked to my closest friend at the time about what I was going through and she told me she felt the same way recently. We helped each other and we made new friends. I slowly became happier with out even realising it, I began wearing makeup again, getting dressed up again and started painting and drawing again. I stopped worrying and started smiling more. 

What To Do If You Know Someone With Anxiety

• Let them know that they can talk to you openly without judgement, this might make them feel more comfortable around you and less anxious.
• Let them know they are not the only ones suffering with this, many people with anxiety feel alone and don't realise many others are going through the same thing. 
• Keep them occupied to help keep their mind off worries and stress.
• Let them know that you care and that they are not alone.
• Try to keep them happy and smiling because they won't be thinking of their anxieties and stresses. 

What NOT To Do If You Know Someone With Anxiety

• Don't mention things you know they're worried or stressed about because it could trigger a anxiety attack.
• Don't mention anxiety often because it might trigger a panic attack.
• Don't tell them to stop worrying because they actually mightn't be able to.
• Don't tell them that they shouldn't be worrying about something because it may be small to you but it's huge to them. 
• Don't offer them alcohol to take their mind off it because it could actually work but they might start to rely on alcohol to help them and it could turn into an addiction or make their anxiety worse.

Things To Remember If You Suffer With Anxiety
      1. You are not alone! 1/8 children suffer with anxiety. Generalised Anxiety Disorder affects 6.8 million people in the US population.
      2. Talk to someone about what you're going through. 1/3 of people suffering with anxiety get treatment. 
      3. Do not let it control you. The biggest thing I regret with my anxiety is letting it control me and letting it isolate me from my family and friends. Do not give in to the anxiety, Show it you are stronger!
      4. You are not overreacting. You are simply reacting. Don't let someone tell you you're being stupid or you're over exaggerating. If someone tells you that, You can tell them to go away! You don't need someone like that willing to put you down. Positive vibes!
      5. It is okay to feel tired. Anxiety is both mentally and physically draining. You are thinking about something so much and thinking about all the different scenarios that can happen while physically running away from them. so if you want to take a nap, you take one! 
      6. Love yourself. 

      I really hope I have helped you and made you feel better about your anxiety. Anxiety is not something to be ashamed of, remember that! Please encourage anyone you know suffering with this mental illness to read this post!  
      If you have any tips that I haven't mentioned please leave them down below for those that need them! Any tips are helpful. 

Zoella's Panic Attack blog post here
Anxiety comic here
What it's like to have an anxiety attack here
What it feels like to have anxiety - Meghan Rienks here
Dealing with Panic Attacks and Anxiety - Zoella here